hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
