I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
