If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
