She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
