Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Michael Bay diarrhea
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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