Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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