I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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