hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
