God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
