I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sober January is a disaster.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
