After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
