If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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