So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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