Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
God, I missed his penis.
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