i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
