just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
where am i from again
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When are your genitals available?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
