OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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