She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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