I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
