I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
