he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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