so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
