you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
