They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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