I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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