I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
