Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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