the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
