And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
