Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
