Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
