You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
