Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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