I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Less talking, more tequila
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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