There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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