As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
