there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
