so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
