yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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