omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
