Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
