Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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