i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
