she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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