I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
His nipple licking is glorious
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