Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
