My underwear smells like fireworks.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
