As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
