Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
