dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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