can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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