The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they're like a gay fantastic four
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
