OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
