White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
