His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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