At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
