the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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