I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
