i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
