that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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