i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
