I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
