All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I AM VODKA MAN
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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