Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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