So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
