overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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