Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
