Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
