Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
